Help for Parents

Iowa ranks above the national average for underage drinking.¹ Many youth begin to use alcohol during their teen years. This often puts themselves or their friends at risk. It's important to talk to your child about the risks and harms associated with drinking alcohol. If you're unsure how to start the conversation with your child about drinking, we can help.

Signs of Alcohol Use in Teens

If you notice several of these signs at the same time or they are extreme, it's time to reach out for help.²

• Mood changes: flare-ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness
• School problems: poor attendance, low grades, and/or recent disciplinary action
• Rebellion against family rules
• Friend changes: switching friends and a reluctance to let you get to know the new friends
• A "nothing matters" attitude. This could be a sloppy appearance, lack of involvement in former interests, or low energy
• Alcohol presence: finding it in your child's room or backpack, or smelling alcohol on his or her breath
• Memory lapses, poor concentration, bloodshot eyes, lack of coordination, or slurred speech

Underage Drinking Risks

There are many potential negative outcomes from using alcohol underage. It's important to know how underage drinking impacts youth, such as: ^3,4

• Increase risk of using other substances
• Declining performance in school
• Alcohol-related injuries, accidents and car crashes
• Alcohol poisoning or alcohol overdose
• Alcohol-related violence or assault
• Lasting brain damage and problems with memory, judgement and thinking skills
• Increased anxiety and depression

Talking to Your Child About Alcohol

It's important to talk to your child about alcohol to help reduce their risk of underage drinking. When having the conversation, remember to let your child talk and listen to them. Ask them questions about their views on alcohol or if they have peers or friends who drink alcohol.

Know the facts about underage drinking. Be prepared to talk to your child. Emphasize that it's never safe to drink alcohol under the age of 21.

Set clear rules and expectations for your child about their alcohol use. Clear expectations help children and teens make informed decisions. They may be less likely to engage in risky behaviors when there are clear expectations.

Have a young adult drinking alcohol? Get information and resources with Help for College Students.

Resources

College Drinking: Changing the Culture
Website with research-based information on issues related to underage drinking and binge drinking among college students. 

Make a Difference: Talk to Your Child About Alcohol
NIAAA publication with tips on how to talk to your child about alcohol use. 

Start the Conversation - Prevent Underage Drinking
Talk it Out website on how to talk to young people and teens about drinking. 

Underage Drinking Prevention: The Consequences of Underage Drinking
PDF overview of the SAMHSA "Talk, They Hear You" media campaign. 

Get the Facts About Underage Drinking
NIH webpage with information on underage alcohol consumption. 

Citations

^{1. Alcohol: Underage Drinking. Iowa Substance Abuse Brief: Substance Use Among Young Adults, October 2022, Issue X.}

^{2. How to Tell If Your Child Is Drinking Alcohol. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.} 

^{3. Risks of Underage Drinking. Medline Plus. May, 12, 2022.}

^{4. Risks of Underage Drinking. Medline Plus. May, 12, 2022.}

Many youth begin to use drugs in their teen years.¹ This often puts themselves or their friends at risk.

Many times, parents may not know their child is using drugs until it’s too late. Overdose is a real possibility. It's important to learn how to prevent drug overdoses. 

Alcohol, tobacco/nicotine and marijuana are the top three substances used by teens.  But here’s a list of other substances that teens may use: 

• Adderall and other prescription stimulants
• Cocaine
• Cough medicines/over-the-counter medicine
• Inhalants (spray paint, cleaning supplies, markers, glue, etc.)
• Prescription drugs like opioids
• Fake pills

Don't wait. Talk to your kids about the dangers of drug use. If you're unsure how to start the conversation with your child about drug use, we can help.

Signs of drug use in teens 

Being able to tell if your teen is engaging in illicit or risky drug use might not be as obvious as you think. Catching drug use early is important to getting someone the help they need. 

Warning signs that your child may be using drugs include:²

• Sudden changes in friends
• Isolating from family activities
• Breaking curfew
• Increased anger or violence

Drug Use Risks

Negative consequences of teen drug use might include:

• Some teens who use drugs are at an increased risk of substance use disorder
• Teenage drug use may result in poor judgement in social and personal interactions
• Drug use may result in high-risk sexual activity, unsafe sex and unplanned pregnancy
• Drug use can complicate or increase the risk of mental health disorders, especially anxiety and depression
• Impair driving. Driving under the influence of any drug affects driving skills. It puts the driver, passengers and others on the road at risk
• Drug use can result in worse grades, attendance or experience in school

Talk to Your Child About Drug Use

Talking to your child about drug use is an important step to getting them the help they need. 

• Make sure to find an appropriate time and place to have the conversation
• Make sure your child is sober at the time
• Keep your emotions and anger in check. Lashing out at a teen who is using drugs can often cause them to become angry or defensive

Understand that your child may not feel comfortable talking about their drug use. If they don't feel comfortable talking with you, they could reach out to Your Life Iowa. 

You want to make sure your teen feels safe and supported when talking to them. List the behaviors you've noticed. Remind them that you want to help them. Focus on getting them help and treatment rather than discipline and punishment.

Conversation starters:³

• "You seem like you haven't been yourself lately. Is there something going on?"
• "Do you feel comfortable discussing the with me or someone else?"
• "I'm worried about you and want to support you. How can I help?"
• "I've noticed some changes in you lately. Can we talk?"
• "I'm here to support you. Is there's something going on in your life you want to talk about?"

Do you know a young adult using drugs? View information and resources with Help for College Students.

Resources

Marijuana: Facts Parents Need to Know
NIDA website with "a letter to parents" about talking to teens about marijuana use. 

Opioids: Facts Parents Need to Know
NIDA website with "a letter to parents" about talking to teens about opioid use. 

Parent & Caregiver Resources
SAMHSA webpage with fact sheets on how to talk to teens about drug use.

Families Conversation Guide
Conversation guide on Supporting a Loved One Dealing With Mental And/Or Substance Use Disorders.

Tween and Teen Health
Mayo Clinic website on how to help your tween or teen avoid drugs. 

Citations

^{1. 2021 Iowa Youth Survey State Report. Iowa Department of Public Health.}

^{2. Early Detection of Illicit Drug Use in Teenagers. National Library of Medicine, 2011.} 

^{3. Supporting a Loved On Dealing with Mental Health And/Or Substance Use Disorders: Starting the Conversation. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.} 

Teens often have access to vapes and e-cigarettes. In fact, 43% of 11th grade students reported it is very easy to get access to vapes or e-cigarettes. That's more common than alcohol access.¹

Marketing strategies from vape and e-cigarette companies are often very appealing to teens. Be aware of how they could influence your child:²

• Creating appealing flavors, like fruit and candy flavors3
• Using creative and fun packaging, which is now banned
• Available to buy online
• Exposure to ads, through the internet and social media⁴

Make sure to talk to your child about vaping. Let them know the dangers of vaping. If you think your child might be vaping, visit or call MyLifeMyQuit or Quitline Iowa.

Hiding in Plain Sight 

Vaping Risks

These are only some of the dangers and risks associated with vaping:⁵

• Contain dangerous cancer causing chemicals and heavy metals
• Devices can explode or catch fire
• Increased risk for use of other tobacco and nicotine products
• Increased risk for use of marijuana and substance use
• Potential risk for addiction. Teen brains are still under development, increasing the risk of addiction
• Impacts teen mental health

Talking to Your Child About Vaping

You can play an important role in protecting youth from the risks of vaping. Sometimes, it's hard to know what to do to help youth avoid or quit vaping. Engaging youth and starting a discussion can help. Here are some suggestions:

• Set a good example by being tobacco-free. This includes e-cigarettes
• Ensure your child is not exposed to tobacco-related secondhand smoke or aerosol. This includes e-cigarettes
• Talk to your child about why vaping is harmful for them. It's never too late to have that talk
• Inform your child to stay away from all tobacco products. This includes e-cigarettes, because they are not safe for them
• Reach out to your child's health care provider for quitting resources

Have a young adult who is vaping? Visit Help for College Students for information and resources.

Resources

Know the Risks: E-Cigarettes and Young People
Surgeon General webpage with information on e-cigarettes and teens. 

My teen is vaping, what can I do?
Your Life Iowa news article with resources and support.

Parents Against Vaping website
Website with resources and support for teens and their parents. 

E-Cigarette Use Among Youth
CDC webpage with resources and support for teens and their parents. 

Talking With Your Teen About Vaping brochure
SAMHSA digital trifold brochure with information about vaping.

Talk with Your Teen About E-Cigarettes: A Tip Sheet for Parents
Know the Risks tip sheet for parents to talk to teens about vaping. 

Talk About Vaping website
American Lung Association with information and support about vaping.

Vaping: What Parents Should Know
KidsHealth webpage with information for parents on how to talk to your child about vaping.

Citations

^{1. 2021 Iowa Youth Survey State Report. Iowa Department of Public Health.} 

^{2. 4 marketing tactics e-cigarette companies use to target youth. Truth Initiative, 2018.}

^{3. Liquid Nicotine Packaging Business Guidance. United States Consumer Product Safety Commission.}

^{4. Know the Risks. Know the Risks: E-Cigarettes & Young People.}

^{5. What You Can Do to Protect Youth From the Harms of Vaping. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023.} 

It's possible your teen could be gambling. Over one in four 11th graders reported having every placed a bet or gambling on money or possessions.¹

Ways teens gamble can include:

• Learning card games from parents or friends²
• Having friendly poker night games with friends
• Being gifted scratch offs or lottery tickets
• Driving to bordering states that have lower casino age restrictions
• Placing bets on sports games
• Online or app betting

Gambling is not harmless. If you think your child may have a problem with gambling, we can help.

Online Gambling and Teens

Online gambling has fewer regulations, and it is anonymous._³ This can make it easier for teens to gamble online without an adult knowing. 

Studies show problem gambling behaviors are more common in teens who gamble online. Online gambling was also associated with the use of alcohol and lower academic performance._⁴

Signs of Gambling in Teens

Gambling can often be secretive and hard to identify. Warning signs that your child may be gambling include:⁵

• Begins to sell personal belongings
• Borrows money from family and friends and does no repay it
• Has large amounts of unexplained cash
• Has a great deal of unexplained debt
• Withdraws from his or her regular social groups and activities
• Spends hours on online or app gaming sites
• Obsession with sports scores may suggest a sports gambling habit exists

Gambling Risks

Some consequences for teen gambling additions include:⁵

• Declining grades
• Habitual money problems
• Less time for family and friends
• Temptation to engage in illegal behavior to pay off gambling debts, leading to possible jail time

Talking to Your Child About Gambling

Youth usually begin gambling around adolescence (between ages 15-17). It's important to talk about gambling with them before then. Create a safe and supportive environment at home. This will help them feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns. 

Make sure to set clear rules about gambling and other high-risk behaviors. Talk about what gambling is and the risks. 

Have a young adult who is gambling? Visit Help for College Students for information and resources. 

Resources

Talking with Children about Gambling PDF
Digital brochure from the Prevention, Treatment and Recovery Services with the Iowa Department of Health and Human Services.

What are the odds your teen is gambling? article
News article from Your Life Iowa about teen gambling habits.

Citations

^{1. 2021 Iowa Youth Survey State Report. Iowa Department of Public Health.} 

^{2. Talking with Children About Gambling. Prevention, Treatment and Recovery Services, Iowa Department of Health and Human Services.}

^{3. Gambling, Youth and the Internet: Should We Be Concerned? National Library of Medicine: National Center for Biotechnology Information, 2004.}

^{4. NCRG Conference: The Latest on Teen Gambling. International Center for Responsible Gambling.}

^{5. High School Gambling Fact Sheet. National Problem Gambling Awareness Week.}

Many teens may experience thoughts of suicide. In fact, 25% of 11th graders, 21% of 8th graders and 17% of 6th graders reported having thoughts of suicide.¹

Don't be afraid to talk to your child about suicide. If you think your child may be experiencing thoughts of suicide, reach out to Your Life Iowa for support. 

Conversation Guide | Say Something about Suicide (Parents)

 Signs of Thoughts of Suicide

It's important to pay attention to these signs in your child. They can indicate thoughts of suicide, even if your child does not express those thoughts directly. 

• Talking about wanting to die or feelings of guilt or shame
• Make a plan or researching ways to die
• Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
• Take dangerous risks, such as driving way too fast
• Displaying extreme mood swings
• Eating or sleeping more or less
• Using drugs and alcohol more often

 Factors That Can Increase the Risk of Suicide

• Previous attempts at suicide
• Knowing someone who had died by suicide or having a family history of suicide
• Having a mental health condition
• Using drugs or alcohol
• Access to lethal means
• Lack of social support
• Being a victim of bullying or exhibiting bullying behavior 
• Experiencing childhood trauma, neglect or abuse
• Experiencing a recent loss or traumatic life event

 Talking About Suicide

As a parent or guardian, you know your child better than anyone. That's why if you think your child may be experiencing thoughts of suicide, you should talk to them. 

Talking to your child about suicide can be scary. You may feel unsure of what to say or how to help. We can provide you with tips on how to talk to your child about thoughts of suicide. 

Tips for a healthy and effective conversation:²

• Be gentle when approaching the topic
• Create a safe and supportive space
• Give your full attention
• Listen
• Be direct. Ask "Are you thinking of killing yourself?" or "Are you experiencing thoughts of suicide?"
• Take them seriously
• Offer to get them help by calling a crisis line
• Look into getting them to see a mental health therapist
• Don't leave them alone if they are in immediate danger
• Don't promise to keep it a secret

Do you know a young adult who is having thoughts about suicide? Visit Help for College Students for information and resources. 

 Factors That Protect Against Suicide

• Knowing healthy coping skills³
• Feeling connected and supported by friends and family
• Feeling connected to school or community
• Cultural or religion belief that give a sense of purpose and discourage suicide
• Limited access to weapons or firearms
• Prosocial behaviors, such as getting along well with others, showing kindness, following rules, being good at sharing and caring for animals
• High self-esteem
• Strong problem solving skills

 Resources

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
AFSP website with extensive resources and information about suicide.

How to Take Care of Yourself
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline website with youth support.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Suicide
NAMI blog post about talking to teens about thoughts of suicide.

Suicide Prevention Resource Center
SPRC website with extensive resources and information about suicide.

If Someone Tells You They're Thinking About Suicide conversation guide
Talk Away the Dark campaign materials, including a conversation guide for talking about suicide.

Citations

^{1. If Someone Tells You They're Thinking About Suicide. Talk Away the Dark.}

^{2. Suicide Prevention: Risk and Protective Factors. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2022.}

^{3. Risk and Protective Factors in Adolescent Behavior: A Network Analysis. National Library of Medicine, 2022.}

It can be hard to know if your child is experiencing problems with their mental health. Knowing what to watch for and how to support your child is important. 

There are many ways to get your child the mental health support they might need. Reach out to Your LIfe Iowa if you think you child may be experiencing a problem with their mental health. 

Warning Signs of Mental Health Concerns

Young Children^1,2

• Throwing constant tantrums or always irritable
• Intense worries or fears
• Can't seem to sit still and/or be quiet, always moving around 
• Declining grades
• Frequent nightmares
• Changes in sleeping patterns
• Difficulty making friends, not playing with other children
• Frequent headaches and stomach aches
• Weight loss or changes in eating habits
• Harmful and out of control behavior

Adolescents^1,3

• Engaging in risky behavior 
• Experiencing thoughts of suicide
• Losing interest in activities they before enjoyed
• Fatigue and low energy
• Self isolating, spending less time with friends and family
• Changes in sleeping patterns
• Changes in eating patterns, weight loss or weight gain
• Drinking, vaping or using drugs
• Harming themselves
• Saying they hear things others cannot

Risk Factors of Poor Mental Health

Mental health impact all parts of your child's life. This can include school, work, family and friends. Unmanaged mental health problems can cause:

• Poor academic performance, missed days of school
• Loss of friends or problems with friends
• Inability to maintain employment, missed days of work
• Feelings of irritability, anger, sadness or other negative emotions
• Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempt(s)

Talking to Your Child About Mental Health

Talking to your child about mental health doesn't have to be hard. If you think your child may be struggling with their mental health, ask them and offer support. Use these resources as a guide to talk to your child about their mental health. 

How to talk to your kids about mental & behavioral health

How to Talk to Your Child About Their Mental Health
NAMI webpage with information on talking to children about mental health concerns.

Talking With Your Teen About Mental Health

Talking with a teen is very different from talking to a young child about mental health. What if they take it as an invasion of privacy? Or what if they get defensive and it starts an argument? These questions are valid. The truth is, though, many teens who are struggling with their mental health want for someone to talk to them about it.

When talking to your teen, it's important to create a safe and non-judgmental space. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it's not their fault. Offer your support and resources to get them the help they might need. Make sure your child knows that they are not alone and that it gets better. Most of all, make sure to listen and not ignore your child.4

Going to college is a big transition and may be difficult for some. It's important to prepare your child for this big life change. Make sure they know about all the resources their university or college offers. Many universities offer free counseling services to students, as well as other resources. Stay in contact with your child while they are at college to make sure they are transitioning well. Look at your child's university website to see what mental health services they offer.

Tips for Parenting a Child with a Mental Health Condition

How families can support a child's mental health

• Learn to recognize early warning signs of a mental health crisis⁵
• Get help for your child as soon as possible
• Make sure to take care of your own mental health
• Show your child love and support
• Help them to learn healthy coping skills⁶
• Don't isolate your family
• Keep community engagement
• Spend more quality time together as a family
• Try family therapy

Do you know a young adult with mental health concerns? Visit Help for College Students for information and resources. 

Resources

Children and Mental Health: Is This Just a Stage?
NIH webpage and PDF on children's mental health.

Mom's Mental Health Matters
NIH National Child & Maternal Health Education Program webpage on mental health for new and expectant moms.

National Alliance on Mental Illness
An alliance of more than 600 local affiliates who work in your community to provide support and education to those in need.

National Alliance on Mental Illness - Iowa
Iowa's NAMI website with statewide and local resources for mental health.

Families Conversation Guide
Conversation guide on Supporting a Loved One Dealing With Mental And/Or Substance Use Disorders.

Children's Mental Health Matters
Mental Health America webpage on youth mental health.

Citations

^{1. Children and Mental Health: Is This Just a Stage? National Institute of Mental Health, 2021.}

^{2. Mental Illness in Children: Know the Signs. Mayo Clinic, 2022.}

^{3. Mental Health for Adolescents. Office of Population Affairs, Health and Human Services.}

^{4. Talking to Adolescents and Teens: Starting The Conversation. Mental Health America.}

^{5. Learning to Help Your Child and Your Family. National Alliance on Mental Illness.} 

^{6. Parenting with a Mental Health Condition: Be The Best Parent You Can Be. Mental Health America.}